I’ve missed you!
Hi Everybody!
I am, of course, sorry I have not been on my own website, particularly in light of the fact I said I would not neglect myself or be out of touch with you. A number of things have happened but most of the problem is my working hours have changed and I am traveling more than I have in the past. I am getting the new schedule down and finding more time for my book and subsequently more time for you.
The big event of the year was getting my new prosthesis, please check out the video of the entire 3 day appointment if you have not already done so. The next problem was an old root canal became an infected mess and I had to have some small surgery to take care of it. Unfortunately now 6 months later, I think the infection has returned, I am trying not to think about but it’s hard when I can feel that pressure in the tooth. I pray I am wrong and everything is OK but realistically, probably going to have another round of surgery.
I did not write much for my book in June and July as well after getting some major criticism, which I was able to take in a positive manner, however it was very hard to get moving in a new direction and restart. The Lord did not bless me with much creativity but I have been able to pick up and make a new outline and start moving forward again. I am posting a separate blog on the book page with additional details about book progress.
Being honest with you all I had become very depressed in June and I was eating too much and thinking about the past way too much. It was not easy to pull out of being down but I was able to and very positively it reassured me I am able to deliver a book which will be of help to you. I was a bit upset about letting myself get down so far because I felt like I should be better or at least be able to bounce back more easily. “Why not?” “Aren’t I the one writing the steps of how to get well and stay well, “ I thought? I was sabotaging my own wellness at that point and I realized I have never said any process was easy. Depression, eating disorders, post-traumatic-stress disorder, and self injury are not easy behaviors to figure out then be able to completely recover. Feeling better about things I remembered I am not Tony Robbins (although it would cool to have teeth like his) I am me and I have to deal with what is in my head.
Indeed, I carry my past and some of it is horrible; nonetheless, I have learned the past is the past and it can’t hurt me now and it has a relative bearing on who I am and how I feel on any given day. I accept those things that are a part of me, which I can’t change. I know thinking about the past too much holds me captive to it and keeps me from good thoughts and the future. I also try not to think about the future too much either because the “what ifs” start to cloud what is happening in my life right now. OK “what do I think about?” I reflect on where I truly am, I am truly better, I did not use any past behaviors to deal with what was going on.
More and more I am able to reach out and make the calls to connect me away from the thought processes I can get into. I did not let it go too far, I very well know I am not able to stop the negative thoughts and feelings on my own past a certain point. The tangled mess of thoughts which can swirl around in my head are too much from time to time getting me no where. I started feeling better as I connected to those who understood what was going on. When I become sad or negative and I reach out and the help comes in, it instantly reminds me how lucky I am and blessed my life is to have such elegant and timely support.
I had the opportunity to meet someone very special who kindly suggested I join OA. I went to and I am still going to meetings with this group and it has turned out to be an enormously positive thing. I decided to go because I simply felt like it was time for me to expand again. I did not go to any support groups when I was trying to get into recovery and spent my time in private therapy because I had too many things going on (ED, PTSD & the SI), I was not able to focus with any one group and end up horribly overwhelmed instead of connected. After a number of years of therapy I was able to piece my thoughts together and more importantly getting my thoughts organized to stop the overwhelmed feelings that was most helpful in getting well. The meetings always leave me feeling more connected and rewarded for all of the work I put in at therapy. It is very hard for me to feel as if I have any relativity to anyone else but I certainly do with this new group. I am back at the book, the blog and the new meetings!
That is all for now, have a great day!
Category: Biography
