Jodean’s Eye
Jodean Petersen
Welcome to my most special and personal page on my website, I am so glad you are here. I hope the information here will be of help to you or at least provide some needed information to you or someone you know who is facing enucleation surgery or has already lost their eye. I lost my eye in a car accident that severely injured the left side of my face. It is extremely rare to lose an eye in a car accident due to the protection of the eye by the surrounding bones, however, when the bones of my face were smashed, my eye was also crushed more or less like a grape. I had minor brain swelling and a very serious optic nerve condition that required my eye to be enucleated and the nerve removed. At 16, I faced never being able to see again or having the surgery to remove my eye. I will never be sure if that was the right decision but I do believe was the best decision at that time.
Jodean prior to being fitted for her new eye
Emotionally it has been difficult to say the very least even though it happened over 20 years ago the number of surgeries I had after the accident and losing my eye perpetuated my narcissism (which we will talk about how that will ruin you) denial and depression. When my eye surgery was completed and having one eye was finalized I did not know what I would do. I thought, “How will I play sports, or do anything, how can anyone love me looking like this, what will this change?” Wrought with shame, guilt and grief about how I could have prevented all of it swirled around my head for a long time. Every mirror I looked into showed my pain, my disappointment, and dissatisfaction looking back at me. I became angry and did not want to accept it for what it was, an accident, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, I was not a bad person or other like thinking. Fortunately for me, I will only pout around for limited time and I started to realize I needed help to deal with it and many other things, I hope you won’t have as much trouble as I did but if you do it’s OK, you can get help. I went to therapy and many years of hard work have paid off for me. The mirror is not a source of anger any more it’s where I check my hair like everyone else. Do not feel like you have lost everything with one eye, you have not, there is nothing stopping you from doing what ever you want. If you would like to share your personal story with me, please send me an email, I would be glad to read it.
Jodean's new eye prior to final painting by ocularist Steven R. Young
The implant I have is a hydroxyapatite implant with a metal peg in the middle. Hydroxyapatite implants are not used much any more because of associated complication you can find in the surgery section of this page. My ocularist (someone qualified to make prosthetic eyes) is Steven R. Young of Oakland, California. I could never adequately express my gratitude or repay Steve and his wife Renee’ for all of their work on me, guidance and help with something that is such a deep, personal and sometimes inconsolable loss. I have been with Steve for 24 years and I have visited other ocularist offices and there are none who compare to him and his expertise. My implant makes my eye a very complex situation, not to mention the color of my eyes – green- is very hard to paint properly. Be ready to spend time at your ocularist’s office, making an prosthesis will take 2 to 3 days.
Jodean being fitted with her new eye by ocularist Steven R. Young
Surgery: The decision for surgery will most likely not be an easy one. Losing any body part is a deep, significant loss the eye in particular has a prominent place in your identity. Your eye color is on your driver’s license, people tell us we have nice eye. No one since my accident and eye surgery has told me I have nice eyes, and I have learned to stop thinking about that as a loss or something I need to be told. My eyes are nice, but different and I have learned to feel good about what I have instead of what I don’t have. Regrettably, I can’t give you a secret formula to be OK with your new implant and prosthesis, you need to find the positive things in your life and focus on them as much as you focus on the loss of your eye. I did not do such a good job at first, but I got better at it. After the surgery, obviously, you are going to have one eye instead of two, try to accept the situation and focus on the things you still have such as your sight or being free from cancer and healthy.
Implants: There varying positions and opinions regarding implants. Hydroxyapatite implants such as mine should not used because they can bleed, grow little tumors called granulomas (which I have had two) and have bleeding from a granuloma site, or from the site selected for drilling to place a peg. The worst problem with hydroxyapatite implants is the risk the shell of the eye surrounding the rough hydroxyapatite will break down literally leaving a spiny ball in your eye socket. Please ask for the smooth implant. The inside of the eye is removed, the smooth ball is placed inside, the optic nerve is cut, leaving you with a nice filled eye socket, with the eye muscles left intact to move. Sometimes the muscles are left alone and sometimes it is necessary to temporarily detach the muscles and deal with the shell then reattach the muscles for movement. Smooth non-pegged implants are safest and under no circumstances get an implant fitted with a magnet – they rust! In addition you will not need an eye lid spacer if you have been fitted properly for your prosthesis. If you have specific surgical question please discuss with your doctor or send me an email, we will figure it out.
Jodean and her new eye, just after initial fitting by ocularist Steven R. Young
Basic questions: Having one eye does not require any driving restrictions but you will need to learn to turn your head to overcome exaggerated blind spots. If you have one eye, there is no reason to become worried you will lose or are more likely to lose your other eye, you won’t! If you have a specific question please send a note or feel free to comment on the blog, we will all want to know.
Diet suggestions: Do not forget your diet is very important to the health of your eye and the rest of you. Avoid transfats, large amounts of saturated fats, cured meats, high sodium and high sugary foods. The blood vessels in your retina are extremely delicate and you need to keep your blood pressure, cholesterol and chance of getting diabetes as low as possible. The best foods are whole grains (real whole grain 4 grams of fiber and no sugar preserving), oatmeal, low fat protein sources such as chicken, turkey and lean meats, as many fruits and vegetables as you can work into your diet.
**Special must have foods: Salmon, walnuts, flax seeds, blueberries, strawberries, carrots, sweet potatoes (yellow kind is better than orange) (not in syrup or light syrup), asparagus, broccoli, kale, leafy greens – spinach, butter lettuce, romaine lettuce, any citrus fruit, kiwi fruit, avocados, tomatoes, and any cabbage. If you would like more diet help let me know.
Activities: Kids, this is for you guys! You need to be strong and understand that other kids and adults will ask you about your eye. Most of the time, they have spotted you are a little different and are curious about your eye. Don’t be afraid to confront them, tell them the truth about it and move on. Unfortunately, there will be people who will try to make you feel badly about your eye because you are different. Please don’t forget this:
“You have control over how you feel about what anyone tells you.”
Never let anyone make you feel bad about something you have no control over and your eye does not affect them they should not be concerned with your eye. Everyone will like you for the person you are and I don’t say that lightly. If someone does not like you they may try to use your eye situation to make you feel bad because they simply don’t like you so what move on and be who you are. You can’t let bad things people say get into your head and change the positive things you can have in your life. Here is a little secret I am going to share with you. Just like Star Wars or Star Trek, put up your shields or your force field. Facing someone you know is going to say something mean to you, put your finger on that imaginary button and think, “Shields up! With my shield up no one can make me feel bad.” Please send me an email if you want to tell me more about how you feel, I want to hear from you.
Don’t forget to check my clips below (coming soon!). After losing my eye I have enjoyed years of playing sports, basketball, volleyball, softball, golf, tennis or any sport I wanted to play I was able to. It was hard at first until I had figured out my cues and what I needed to do with one eye and after that the sport was easy. Never let anyone tell you that you can’t do anything or play a sport or do whatever it is that makes you happy. Don’t become frustrated at first, hang in there, it took about a year for me to get it all figured out. If you want my help, send me an email, I can help you with just about any sport you want to play.
